How to Distinguish Between Manipulation and Reasonability?

I have found since being diagnosed with a SMI, anyone is very susceptible to manipulation from outside sources. Some simply out of your control. Mental Health agencies and, in my case, apartment rental companies deem those with SSDI, Social Security, the elderly, and those with SMIs, easy prey to coercion and manipulation.

How to Distinguish Between Manipulation and Reasonability?

by Dennis Coppola on May 1, 2011

Manipulation is the art of skillful management, according to dictionary.com.

In acts of manipulation one party fails to take into account the feelings, ideas, or insights of the other’s party. If all parties do not share their feelings or ideas about a subject openly then their may be room for manipulation on both sides. One party may allow manipulation more than another. Here are some tips to living freer.

1. Share your own feelings, ideas or insights about about the subject openly to the other party
2. Know your outcome and limits before the conversation
3. Say “I need to think about it”. And spend some time reflecting (very important especially if you are prone to manipulation)
4. If the pit of your stomach says no, then say ‘NO”. No explanation needed.

How to recognize manipulation?
If you have a sense of guilt after leaving a conversation, you may need to work on your assertiveness.

If you feel guilty after a conversation, the conversation may be a reasonable or manipulative conversation. To really know the difference, ask these questions: “Can I be the space for this?” “Does the energy feel right within my body?” You may not know the words to tell the person “No”, but deep down you know you must say no. Here are some words, “No, right now I am not able to do that, Thanks anyway”. Say it like you own it!! No explanation is needed, Just “No, Thanks”.

Manipulation vs. reasonable warning: If one party pushes you after you gave then a hard “No” (exception, if new information comes about that was not previously discussed, then the questioned party must say no again) The reasonable must stay strong.

Once you sense that one person has manipulative characteristics, then be on guard, be yourself. One strategy might be to limit your time with that person.